On Dreaming New (and Better) Dreams
*This blog was originally published 22 September 2020.
Hello friends! 👋
It's been too long. I intended for this to be a bi-weekly thing but you know, life got in the way and it's been a month since my last blog post. So here's another word dump of the thoughts that I've been keeping to myself for the past month.
I can't believe the year's almost ending. Not long ago (AKA before the pandemic happened), I was hanging out with my friends, playing in board game cafés and escape rooms, eating out with family, and even going on trips outside the city. Time really flew by and 2020 is giving me mixed feelings—sadness and happiness, hopelessness and hopefulness, uneasiness and contentment—these array of emotions, all at the same time. But on most days, when I'm left to my thoughts, I just feel tired and overwhelmed.
Last weekend, having nothing better to do, I joined my sister in making her vision board and we were up until 1AM just finishing them out!
Four boards and counting... 💭
It's been four years since we started our yearly tradition of making vision boards. Our dear friend, Tita Airees (@aireescreates), introduced us to making them. She told us that in order for your dreams to manifest, you have to put them on paper. It makes them more concrete and actionable, as opposed to just having them float in your mind all the time. So for the very first time (back in Q4 of 2017), I made mine! ❤️
My very first vision board for 2018 👀
For my 2018 vision board, I promised myself many things—some art-related and some personal. Among those, the one that stood out (well, at least for me) is to save up so I can afford to treat myself with a trip outside the country. That year, I was able to go on a week-long trip to Taipei with my sister. I wasn't expecting for it to actually happen but I'm grateful it did. To add to that, I also wanted to learn something new and that same year, I was able to start my digital art journey and learned how to draw using a pen tablet. From then on, I've been a firm believer that whatever you put out to the Universe, the Universe will give you.
My 2019 vision board, this time with goals that are more art-centered 🎨
For 2019, my friends and I decided to add a little bit more challenge by setting a word for the year—something to act as some sort of mantra for the whole year. Mine was GROWTH. I wanted to grow as an artist, sharpen my skills and hone new ones. I'd like to believe that in one way or another (I hope 🤞), I was able to achieve them. Last year, I was able to improve on my digital drawing skills with the use of my iPad. 🎉
But putting your them on paper doesn't automatically make them attainable. 2019 made me realize that you also have to actively work towards your goals. So yes, I shamelessly admit that I wasn't able to live up to the ones I've set for that year. I might've forgotten that beating them would require action. Lesson learned: set more actionable goals and work on them! 😅
My 2020 vision board - with goals that are... well, on hold for now 🤷♀
So now, for 2020, I set THRIVE as my word for the year. Having failed on some of goals I've set the past year, I set more concrete, attainable ones: finally learn how to drive, have a shared studio space with my friends, and travel (again!!!). And then some intangible like to have a better headspace and to get rid of the negativity in my life ( that caused me a looooong phase of creative block last year, but that's for another post I guess???).
The last quarter of 2019, we were already planning our trip back to Taiwan. Last March, just before we were locked in our homes, I was about to enroll for driving classes. And our plans to rent an actual studio was actually in the talks. But unfortunately, everything was put to a halt. To be quite honest, I personally felt like 2020 robbed me. Not just of my time, but of experiences, and chances, and opportunities. At first, I felt mad. Then sad... extremely sad. Then empty. The word to describe it was "sayang."
So when my sister and I were talking about our 2020 vision boards, I jokingly said "Welp, that's to NOT achieving anything for 2020." Then she told me that maybe it was to thrive in a different sense. And you know what? Maybe she's right! Maybe I just have to look at it from another perspective. While I only noticed me not achieving my major goals, I wasn't able to realize that the smaller and simpler ones, those were just as important as the big ones I set for myself.
This quarantine, I was able to FINALLY(!!!) get over my irrational fear of gas stoves. I managed to learn how to cook ramyeon, fried egg, Korean fried rice a la Chef Min Yoongi, and even invented my own recipe: gojuchang fried rice with grated cheese (Chef Marie debut, yes? 😆). I also got back into the habit of reading. I've finished five books so far, still slow but I'm working on it. I'm on to my sixth now, currently reading "Jung: The Key Ideas" by Ruth Snowden (which is very interesting, BTW). Next up is Quiet by Susan Cain, which I'm quite excited about because it's a book about introverts (I'm an INTP). To add to that, I made more art (that I'm proud of) this year, more than I did last year!
When I add up those small wins, I realized that my 2020 wasn't such a failure after all. I learned new skills, rekindled old ones, and the biggest win of all (aside from falling into the black hole that is Bangtan Sonyeondan, haha [I had to say it, okay?!?!!]): finally having the time to slow down and re-assess my goals and dreams. What do I really want to do? What do I badly want to achieve? Where do I go from here?
My latest vision board for 2021 *manifesting circle* 🙏
I was quite surprised with how my latest vision board turned out. Of course, it had to have some purple on it (hahaha, please indulge me with all the BTS references). I wasn't really pondering on what my word for the year is, but the word DREAM keeps popping up in my mind. So I guess, it all kinda just fell into place and then, BAM! 💥
Out of all the words and phrases I've cut, one that really hit me is the statement "the future can wait." The past years, I've been anxious about not being able to achieve enough for my age. Am I good enough? Will I do well in the future? But this, this statement reminded me that it can wait. Whatever it is that I want to achieve or do, it can wait.
So if you're feeling lost (like me), know that it's okay! As said there in one quote I cut out, it's never too late to be the person you were meant to be. You just have to see the light and dream on. 💖
Leaving you with these words from my 2021 vision board! 🌟
‘Til the next!
♡ Marie ☺
